JOURNAL OF MENTAL HEALTH COUNSELING During the first week, the necessity of planning the funeral and mak ing other arrangements usually takes over and the bereaved may function n an automatic or robotic manner This may be followed by a feeling of letdown and emotional and physical exhaustion In the 2nd through 5th weeks there is a general feeling of abandon- ment as family and friends return to their own lives after the funeral Employers often expect the bereaved to have recovered and to be fully functional on the job. The insulation of shock may still be in effect, and there may be a sensation of"well this isn t going to be as bad as I first It is during the 6th through 12th weeks that the shock finally wears off. and the reality of the loss sets in. Emotions range widely and the bereaved feels out of control. Family and friends are often not supportive and think that was3 months ago, why are you feeling bad now? "Experiences dur- ing this time may include radical changes in sleep patterns, onset of fear (sometimes paranoia ). changes in appetite with significant wcight gain or loss. extreme mood swings, changes in libido. periods of uncontrollable weeping, desire for isolation. inability to concentrate or remember and increased need to talk about the deceased The cycle of good and bad days begins during the 3rd and 4th months Irritability increases and there is a lowering of the frustration tolerance There may be verbal and physical acting out of anger. feelings of emo- tional regression, and an increase of somatic complaints, especially flu and colds. as the immune system is depressed ression sets in as the 6th month anniversary approaches. The event of loss is relived and the emotional upheaval seems to be starting all over again. Anniversaries. birthdays, holidays are espccially difficull. bringing about renewed depression The first anniversary of the death can be traumatic or the beginning of resolution. This will depend on the amount and quality of grief work done during the past vcar Eighteen to 24 months is the time for resolution. The pain of separa tion becomes bearable. and the bereaved is able to proceed with the liv- ng of his or her own life. There is an emotional letting go of the deceased. a recognition that, while the person will never be forgotten, the pain of hi or her death will no longer need to be the focal point of the life of the bereaved. It is during this phase that the terms bereaved and grieving are eased from the vocabulary, and the process of living begins in earnest Grief and mourning are uniquely individual processes, and no one has the correct timetable for their completion. The process of healing may take a vear or it may take a lifetime. whatever the lime. the bereaved should not have to travel alone Reproduced with permission of the copyright owner. Further reproduction prohibited without permissionReproduced with permission of the copyright owner. Further reproduction prohibited without permission