Did you have a nightmare?' Yes,a bad dream.' She sighed and covered me up.'You were making such a noise.I must go to Pierre,you've frightened him.' I lay thinking,'I am safe.There is the corner of the bedroom door and the friendly furniture.There is the tree of life in the garden and the wall green with moss.The barrier of the cliffs and the high mountains.And the barrier of the sea.I am safe.I am safe from strangers. The light of the candle in Pierre's room was still there when I slept again.I woke next morning knowing that nothing would be the same.I would change and go on changing. I don't know how she got money to buy the white muslin and the pink.Yards of muslin. She may have sold her last ring,for there was one left.I saw it in her jewel box-that,and a locket with a shamrock inside.They were mending and sewing first thing in the morning and still sewing when I went to bed.In a week she had a new dress and so had I. The Luttrells lent her a horse,and she would ride off very early and not come back till late next day-tired out because she had been to a dance or a moonlight picnic.She was gay and laughing-younger that I had ever seen her and the house was sad when she had gone. So I too left it and stayed away till dark.I was never long at the bathing pool,I never met Tia. I took another road,past the old sugar works and the water wheel that had not turned for years.I went to parts of Coulibri that I had not seen,where there was no road,no path,no track. And if the razor grass cut my legs and arms I would think'It's better than people.'Black ants or red ones,tall nests swarming with white ants,rain that soaked me to the skin-once I saw a snake. All better than people. Better.Better,better than people Watching the red and yellow flowers in the sun thinking of nothing,it was as if a door opened and I was somewhere else,something else.Not myself any longer. I knew the time of day when though it is hot and blue and there are no clouds,the sky can have a very black look. I was bridesmaid when my mother married Mr Mason in Spanish Town.Christophine curled my hair.I carried a bouquet and everything I wore was new-even my beautiful slippers.But their eyes slid away from my hating face.I had heard what all these smooth smiling people said about her when she was not listening and they did not guess I was.Hiding from them in the garden when they visited Coulibri,I listened. 'A fantastic marriage and he will regret it.Why should a very wealthy man who could take his pick of all the girls in the West Indies,and many in England too probably?'Why probably?' the other voice said.'Certainly.''Then why should he marry a widow without a penny to her name and Coulibri a wreck of a place?Emancipation troubles killed old Cosway?Nonsense-the estate 第7页共88页‘Did you have a nightmare?’ ‘Yes, a bad dream.’ She sighed and covered me up. ‘You were making such a noise. I must go to Pierre, you’ve frightened him.’ I lay thinking, ‘I am safe. There is the corner of the bedroom door and the friendly furniture. There is the tree of life in the garden and the wall green with moss. The barrier of the cliffs and the high mountains. And the barrier of the sea. I am safe. I am safe from strangers.’ The light of the candle in Pierre’s room was still there when I slept again. I woke next morning knowing that nothing would be the same. I would change and go on changing. I don’t know how she got money to buy the white muslin and the pink. Yards of muslin. She may have sold her last ring, for there was one left. I saw it in her jewel box – that, and a locket with a shamrock inside. They were mending and sewing first thing in the morning and still sewing when I went to bed. In a week she had a new dress and so had I. The Luttrells lent her a horse, and she would ride off very early and not come back till late next day – tired out because she had been to a dance or a moonlight picnic. She was gay and laughing – younger that I had ever seen her and the house was sad when she had gone. So I too left it and stayed away till dark. I was never long at the bathing pool, I never met Tia. I took another road, past the old sugar works and the water wheel that had not turned for years. I went to parts of Coulibri that I had not seen, where there was no road, no path, no track. And if the razor grass cut my legs and arms I would think ‘It’s better than people.’ Black ants or red ones, tall nests swarming with white ants, rain that soaked me to the skin – once I saw a snake. All better than people. Better. Better, better than people. Watching the red and yellow flowers in the sun thinking of nothing, it was as if a door opened and I was somewhere else, something else. Not myself any longer. I knew the time of day when though it is hot and blue and there are no clouds, the sky can have a very black look. I was bridesmaid when my mother married Mr Mason in Spanish Town. Christophine curled my hair. I carried a bouquet and everything I wore was new – even my beautiful slippers. But their eyes slid away from my hating face. I had heard what all these smooth smiling people said about her when she was not listening and they did not guess I was. Hiding from them in the garden when they visited Coulibri, I listened. ‘A fantastic marriage and he will regret it. Why should a very wealthy man who could take his pick of all the girls in the West Indies, and many in England too probably?’ ‘Why probably?’ the other voice said. ‘Certainly.’ ‘Then why should he marry a widow without a penny to her name and Coulibri a wreck of a place? Emancipation troubles killed old Cosway? Nonsense – the estate 第7 页共88页