divorce, separation, or desertion. Death is often seen by a child as imperm anent and therefore ttle distinct from a divorce, after which he may have an opportunity to see a parent again Many a parent will remember remarks of their children such as, "I will bury my doggy now and next spring when the flowers come up again, he will get up. Maybe it was the same wish that motivated the ancient Egyptians to supply their dead with food and goods to keep them happy and the old American Indians to bury their relatives with their belongings When we grow older and begin to realize that our omnipotence is not really so great, that our strongest wishes are not powerful enough to make the impossible possible, the fear that we have contributed to the death of a loved one diminishes-and with it the guilt. The fear remains diminished, however, only so long as it is not challenged too strongly. Its vestiges can be seen daily in hospital corridors and in people associated with the bereave a husband and wife may have been fighting for years, but"-hen the partner dies, the survivor will cry and be overwhelmed with regret, fear, and anguish, and will fear his own death more, still believing in the law of talion-an eye for an eye, a tooth for tooth-"I am responsible for her death, I will have to die a pitiful death in retribution Maybe this knowledge will help us to understand many of the customs and rituals that endured over he centuries and whose purpose is to diminish the anger of the gods or society, as the case may be thus decreasing the anticipated punishment. I think of the ashes, the torn clothes, the veil, the Klage Weiber of the old days-they are all means of asking others to take pity on them, the mourners, and are expressions of sorrow, grief, and shame. A person who grieves, beats his breast, tears his hair, or refuses to eat, is attempting self-punishment to avoid or reduce the anticipated external punishment for the blame he expects on the death of a loved one The grief, shame, and guilt are not very far removed from feelings of anger and rage. The process of grief al ways includes some elements of anger. Since none of us likes to admit anger at deceased person, these emotions are often disguised or repressed, and prolong the period of grief, or show up in other ways. It is well to remember that it is not up to us to judge such feelings as bad or shameful but to understand their true meaning and origin as something very human. In order to illustrate this I will again use the example of the child-and the child in us all. The fiveyear-old who loses his mother is both blaming himself for her disappearance and expressing anger at her for having deserted him and for no longer gratifying his needs. The dead person then turns into something the child loves and wants very much, but also hates with equal intensity for this severe The ancient Hebrews regarded the body of a dead person as something unclean and not to be touched. The early American Indians talked about evil spirits, and shot arrows into the air to drive the spirits away. Many other cultures have rituals to take care of the"bad"dead person, and they all originate in this feeling of anger which still exists in all of us. though we dislike admitting it. The tradition of the tombstone may originate in this wish to keep the bad spirits deep down in the ground, and the pebbles that many mourners put on the grave are left-over symbols of the same wish. Though we call the firing of guns at military funerals a last salute, it is, perhaps, the same symbolic ritual as the Indian used when he shot his spears and arrows into the skiesdivorce, separation, or desertion. Death is often seen by a child as impermanent, and therefore little distinct from a divorce, after which he may have an opportunity to see a parent again. Many a parent will remember remarks of their children such as, "I will bury my doggy now and next spring when the flowers come up again, he will get up." Maybe it was the same wish that motivated the ancient Egyptians to supply their dead with food and goods to keep them happy and the old American Indians to bury their relatives with their belongings. When we grow older and begin to realize that our omnipotence is not really so great, that our strongest wishes are not powerful enough to make the impossible possible, the fear that we have contributed to the death of a loved one diminishes-and with it the guilt. The fear remains diminished, however, only so long as it is not challenged too strongly. Its vestiges can be seen daily in hospital corridors and in people associated with the bereaved. A husband and wife may have been fighting for years, but "-hen the partner dies, the survivor will cry and be overwhelmed with regret, fear, and anguish, and will fear his own death more, still believing in the law of talion-an eye for an eye, a tooth for .: tooth-"I am responsible for her death, I will have to die a pitiful death in retribution." Maybe this knowledge will help us to understand many of the customs and rituals that endured over the centuries and whose purpose is to diminish the anger of the gods or society, as the case may be, thus decreasing the anticipated punishment. I think of the ashes, the torn clothes, the veil, the Klage Weiber of the old days-they are all means of asking others to take pity on them, the mourners, and are expressions of sorrow, grief, and shame. A person who grieves, beats his breast, tears his hair, or refuses to eat, is attempting self-punishment to avoid or reduce the anticipated external punishment for the blame he expects on the death of a loved one. The grief, shame, and guilt are not very far removed from feelings of anger and rage. The process of grief always includes some elements of anger. Since none of us likes to admit anger at a deceased person, these emotions are often disguised or repressed, and prolong the period of grief, or show up in other ways. It is well to remember that it is not up to us to judge such feelings as bad or shameful but to understand their true meaning and origin as something very human. In order to illustrate this I will again use the example of the child-and the child in us all. The fiveyear-old who loses his mother is both blaming himself for her disappearance and expressing anger at her for having deserted him and for no longer gratifying his needs. The dead person then turns into something the child loves and wants very much, but also hates with equal intensity for this severe deprivation. The ancient Hebrews regarded the body of a dead person as something unclean and not to be touched. The early American Indians talked about evil spirits, and shot arrows into the air to drive the spirits away. Many other cultures have rituals to take care of the "bad" dead person, and they all originate in this feeling of anger which still exists in all of us, though we dislike admitting it. The tradition of the tombstone may originate in this wish to keep the bad spirits deep down in the ground, and the pebbles that many mourners put on the grave are left-over symbols of the same wish. Though we call the firing of guns at military funerals a last salute, it is, perhaps, the same symbolic ritual as the Indian used when he shot his spears and arrows into the skies