TAKE THE LESS USUAL SIDE 10 One rather simple way of getting into your paper is to take the side of the argument that most of the citizens will want to avoid.If the assignment is an essay on dogs,you can,if you choose, explain that dogs are faithful and lovable companions,intelligent,useful as guardians of the house and protectors of children,indispensable in police work--in short,when all is said and done, man's best friends.Or you can suggest that those big brown eyes conceal,more often than not,a vacuity of mind and an inconstancy of purpose;that the dogs you have known most intimately have been mangy,ill-tempered brutes,incapable of instruction;and that only your nobility of mind and fear of arrest prevent you from kicking the flea-ridden animals when you pass them on the street. 11 Naturally personal convictions will sometimes dictate your approach.If the assigned subject is "Is Methodism Rewarding to the Individual?"and you are a pious Methodist,you have really no choice.But few assigned subjects,if any,will fall in this category.Most of them will lie in broad areas of discussion with much to be said on both sides.They are intellectual exercises,and it is legitimate to argue now one way and now another,as debaters do in similar circumstances. Always take the that looks to you hardest,least defensible.It will almost always turn out to be easier to write interestingly on that side. 12 This general advice applies where you have a choice of subjects.If you are to choose among "The Value of Fraternities"and "My Favorite High School Teacher"and "What I Think About Beetles,"by all means plump for the beetles.By the time the instructor gets to your paper,he will be up to his ears in tedious tales about a French teacher at Bloombury High and assertions about how fraternities build character and prepare one for life.Your views on beetles,whatever they are, are bound to be a refreshing change. 13 Don't worry too much about figuring out what the instructor thinks about the subject so that you can cuddle up with him.Chances are his views are no stronger than yours.If he does have convictions and you oppose him,his problem is to keep from grading you higher than you deserve in order to show he is not biased.This doesn't mean that you should always cantankerously dissent from what the instructor says;that gets tiresome too.And if the subject assigned is "My Pet Peeve,"do not begin,"My pet peeve is the English instructor who assigns papers on 'my pet peeve."This was still funny during the War of 1812,but it has sort of lost its edge since then.It is in general good manners to avoid personalities. SLIP OUT OF ABSTRACTION 14 If you will study the essay on college football [near the beginning of this essay],you will perceive that one reason for its appalling dullness is that it never gets down to particulars.It is just a series of not very glittering generalities:"football is bad for the colleges,""it has become too commercial,""football is big business,""it is bad for the players,"and so on.Such round phrases thudding against the reader's brain are unlikely to convince him,though they may well render him unconscious. 15 If you want the reader to believe that college football is bad for the players,you have to do more than say so.You have to display the evil.Take your roommate,Alfred Simkins,the second-string center.Picture poor old Alfy coming home from football practice every evening,4 TAKE THE LESS USUAL SIDE 10 One rather simple way of getting into your paper is to take the side of the argument that most of the citizens will want to avoid. If the assignment is an essay on dogs, you can, if you choose, explain that dogs are faithful and lovable companions, intelligent, useful as guardians of the house and protectors of children, indispensable in police work -- in short, when all is said and done, man's best friends. Or you can suggest that those big brown eyes conceal, more often than not, a vacuity of mind and an inconstancy of purpose; that the dogs you have known most intimately have been mangy, ill-tempered brutes, incapable of instruction; and that only your nobility of mind and fear of arrest prevent you from kicking the flea-ridden animals when you pass them on the street. 11 Naturally personal convictions will sometimes dictate your approach. If the assigned subject is "Is Methodism Rewarding to the Individual?" and you are a pious Methodist, you have really no choice. But few assigned subjects, if any, will fall in this category. Most of them will lie in broad areas of discussion with much to be said on both sides. They are intellectual exercises, and it is legitimate to argue now one way and now another, as debaters do in similar circumstances. Always take the that looks to you hardest, least defensible. It will almost always turn out to be easier to write interestingly on that side. 12 This general advice applies where you have a choice of subjects. If you are to choose among "The Value of Fraternities" and "My Favorite High School Teacher" and "What I Think About Beetles," by all means plump for the beetles. By the time the instructor gets to your paper, he will be up to his ears in tedious tales about a French teacher at Bloombury High and assertions about how fraternities build character and prepare one for life. Your views on beetles, whatever they are, are bound to be a refreshing change. 13 Don't worry too much about figuring out what the instructor thinks about the subject so that you can cuddle up with him. Chances are his views are no stronger than yours. If he does have convictions and you oppose him, his problem is to keep from grading you higher than you deserve in order to show he is not biased. This doesn't mean that you should always cantankerously dissent from what the instructor says; that gets tiresome too. And if the subject assigned is "My Pet Peeve," do not begin, "My pet peeve is the English instructor who assigns papers on 'my pet peeve."' This was still funny during the War of 1812, but it has sort of lost its edge since then. It is in general good manners to avoid personalities. SLIP OUT OF ABSTRACTION 14 If you will study the essay on college football [near the beginning of this essay], you will perceive that one reason for its appalling dullness is that it never gets down to particulars. It is just a series of not very glittering generalities: "football is bad for the colleges," "it has become too commercial," "football is big business," "it is bad for the players," and so on. Such round phrases thudding against the reader's brain are unlikely to convince him, though they may well render him unconscious. 15 If you want the reader to believe that college football is bad for the players, you have to do more than say so. You have to display the evil. Take your roommate, Alfred Simkins, the second-string center. Picture poor old Alfy coming home from football practice every evening