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Para.27:"It'd be a different story if you was a man.A woman wants things a bit cosier." Para.28:So I got up and went to the window and looked down into the empty Sunday street through the slats of the Venetian blind,to avoid the accusing vulnerability of his fat face and I tried out a cold voice that is to be heard frequently in my thoughts but has great difficulty getting out of my cowardly mouth."Mr.Malley,please don't bother me about this any more.I said it suits me.I have everything I want. Thanks for showing me about the light." Para.29:The effect was devastating enough to shame me."I certainly wouldn't dream of bothering you,"he said,with precision of speech and aloof sadness."Imerely made these suggestions for your comfort.Had I realized I was in your way,I would of left some time ago."When he had gone I felt better,even a little exhilarated at my victory though still ashamed of how easy it had been.I told myself that he would have hadto bediscouraged sooneror later,it was bettertohave it over with at the beginning Para.30:The following weekend he knocked on my door.His expression of humility was exaggerated, almost enough so to seem mocking yet in anothersenseitwasrealandIfeltunsureof myself. Para.31:"I won't take up a minute of your time,"he said."I never meant to be a nuisance.I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry I offended you last time andIapologize.Here'salittle present if you will accept." Para.32:He was carrying a plant whose name I did not know;it had thick,glossy leaves andgrewoutof a pot wrapped lavishly in pinkand silver foil. Para.33:"There,"he said,arranging this plant in a corner of my room."I don't want any bad feelings with you and me.I'll take the blame.And I thought,maybe she won't accept furnishings,but what's the matter with a nice little plant,that'll brighten things up for you." Para.34:It was not possible for me,at this moment,to tell him that I did not want a plant.I hate house plants.He told me how to take care of it,how often to water it and so on;I thanked him.There was nothing else I could do,and I had the unpleasant feeling that beneath his offering of apologies and gifts he was well aware of this and in some way gratified by it.He kept on talking using the words bad feelings offended,apologize.I tried once to interrupt,with the idea of explaining that I had made provision for an area in my life where good feelings,or bad,did not enter in,that between him and me,in fact,it was not necessary that there be any feelings at all;but this struck me as a hopeless task.How could I confront,in the open, this craving for intimacy?Besides,the plant in its shiny paper had confused me. Para.35:"How's the writing progressing?"he said,with an air of putting all our unfortunate differences behindhim. Para.36:“Oh,about as usual,.” Para.37:"Well if you ever run out of things to write about,I got a barrelful."Pause."But I guess I'm just eatin'into your time here,"he said with a kind of painful buoyancy This was a test,and I did not pass it.I smiled,my eyes held by that magnificent plant;I said it was all right. Para.38:"I was just thinking about the fellow was in here before you.Chiropractor You could of wrote a book about him." Para.39:I assumed a listening position,my hands no longer hovering over the keys.If cowardice and insincerity are big vices of mine,curiosity is certainlyanother. Para.40:"He had a good practice built up here.The only trouble was,he gave more adjustments than was listed inthe bookof chiropractory Oh,hewasadjusting right andleft.Icame in hereafterhe movedout, andwhatdoyouthinklfound?Sound proofing!Thiswholeroomwas soundproofed,to enable him to makePara.27: “It’d be a different story if you was a man. A woman wants things a bit cosier.” Para.28: So I got up and went to the window and looked down into the empty Sunday street through the slats of the Venetian blind, to avoid the accusing vulnerability of his fat face and I tried out a cold voice that is to be heard frequently in my thoughts but has great difficulty getting out of my cowardly mouth. “Mr. Malley, please don’t bother me about this any more. I said it suits me. I have everything I want. Thanksforshowing me about the light.” Para.29: The effect was devastating enough to shame me. “I certainly wouldn’t dream of bothering you,” he said, with precision of speech and aloof sadness. “Imerely made these suggestionsfor your comfort. Had I realized I was in your way, I would of left some time ago.” When he had gone I felt better, even a little exhilarated at my victory though still ashamed of how easy it had been. I told myself that he wouldhavehadtobediscouragedsoonerorlater,itwasbettertohave it over with at the beginning. Para.30: The following weekend he knocked on my door. His expression of humility was exaggerated, almost enough so to seem mocking, yet in anothersenseitwasrealandIfeltunsureof myself. Para.31: “I won’t take up a minute of your time,” he said. “I never meant to be a nuisance. I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry I offended you last time and I apologize. Here’s a little present if you will accept.” Para.32: He was carrying a plant whose name I did not know; it had thick, glossy leaves and grew out of a potwrapped lavishly inpinkand silver foil. Para.33: “There,” he said, arranging this plant in a corner of my room. “I don’t want any bad feelings with you and me. I’ll take the blame. And I thought, maybe she won’t accept furnishings, but what’s the matter with a nice little plant, that’ll brighten things up for you.” Para.34: It was not possible for me, at this moment, to tell him that I did not want a plant. I hate house plants. He told me how to take care of it, how often to water it and so on; I thanked him. There was nothing else I could do, and I had the unpleasant feeling that beneath his offering of apologies and gifts he was well aware of this and in some way gratified by it. He kept on talking, using the words bad feelings, of ended, apologize. I tried once to interrupt, with the idea of explaining that I had made provision for an area in my life where good feelings, or bad, did not enter in, that between him and me, in fact, it was not necessary that there be any feelings at all; but this struck me as a hopeless task. How could I confront, in the open, this craving for intimacy? Besides, the plant in its shiny paper had confused me. Para.35: “How’s the writing progressing?” he said, with an air of putting all our unfortunate differences behindhim. Para.36: “Oh, about as usual.” Para.37: “Well if you ever run out of things to write about, I got a barrelful.” Pause. “But I guess I’m just eatin’ into your time here,” he said with a kind of painful buoyancy. This was a test, and I did not pass it. I smiled, my eyes held by that magnificent plant; I said it was all right. Para.38: “I was just thinking about the fellow was in here before you. Chiropractor. You could of wrote a book about him.” Para.39: I assumed a listening position, my hands no longer hovering over the keys. If cowardice and insincerityarebigvicesof mine,curiosityis certainlyanother. Para.40: “He had a good practice built up here. The only trouble was, he gavemore adjustmentsthan was listed inthebookof chiropractory. Oh,hewasadjusting right andleft.Icame in hereafterhe movedout, andwhatdoyouthinkIfound?Sound proofing!Thiswholeroomwas soundproofed, to enable him to make
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