If your reader looks bored and can repeat back to you more details than she needs to know to get your point,you probably explained too much.Excessive detail can also be confusing,because it can bog the reader down and keep her from focusing on your main points.You want your reader to say,"So it seems like your paper is saying that piranhas are misunderstood creatures that are essential to South American ecosystems,"not,"Uh...piranhas are important?"or,"Well,I know you said piranhas don't usually attack people,and they're usually around 10 inches long,and some people keep them in aquariums as pets,and dolphins are one of their predators,and...a bunch of other stuff,I guess?" Sometimes it's not the amount of explanation that matters,but the word choice and tone you adopt.Your word choice and tone need to match your audience's expectations.For example,imagine you are researching piranhas; you find an article in National Geographic and another one in an academic journal for scientists.How would you expect the two articles to sound?National Geographic is written for a popular audience;you might expect it to have sentences like "The piranha generally lives in shallow rivers and streams in South America."The scientific journal, on the other hand,might use much more technical language,because it's written for an audience of specialists.A sentence like"Serrasalmus piraya lives in fresh and brackish intercoastal and proto-arboreal sub-tropical regions between the 45th and 38th parallels"might not be out of place in the journal. Generally,you want your reader to know enough material to understand the points you are making.It's like the old forest/trees metaphor.If you give the reader nothing but trees,she won't see the forest(your thesis,the reason for your paper).If you give her a big forest and no trees,she won't know how you got to the forest(she might say,"Your point is fine,but you haven't proven it to me").You want the reader to say,"Nice forest,and those trees really help me to see it."Our handout on paragraph development can help you find a good balance of examples and explanation. Reading your own drafts Writers tend to read over their own papers pretty quickly,with the knowledge of what they are trying to argue already in their minds.Reading in this way can cause you to skip over gaps in your written argument because the gap-filler is in your head.A problem occurs when your reader falls into these gaps.Your reader wants you to make the necessary connections from one thought or sentence to the next.When you don't,the reader can become confused or frustrated.Think about when you read something and you struggle to find the most important points or what the writer is trying to say.Isn't that annoying?Doesn't it make you want to quit reading and surf the web or call a friend? Putting yourself in the reader's position Instead of reading your draft as if you wrote it and know what you meant,try reading it as if you have no previous knowledge of the material.Have you explained enough?Are the connections clear?This can be hard to do at first. Consider using one of the following strategies: Take a break from your work-go work out,take a nap,take a day off.This is why the Writing Center and your instructors encourage you to start writing more than a day before the paper is due.If you write the paper the night before it's due,you make it almost impossible to read the paper with a fresh eye. Try outlining after writing-after you have a draft,look at each paragraph separately.Write down the main point for each paragraph on a separate sheet of paper,in the order you have put them.Then look at your 'outline"-does it reflect what you meant to say,in a logical order?Are some paragraphs hard to reduce to one point?Why?This technique will help you find places where you may have confused your reader by straying from your original plan for the paper. 3/4If your reader looks bored and can repeat back to you more details than she needs to know to get your point, you probably explained too much. Excessive detail can also be confusing, because it can bog the reader down and keep her from focusing on your main points. You want your reader to say, “So it seems like your paper is saying that piranhas are misunderstood creatures that are essential to South American ecosystems,” not, “Uh…piranhas are important?” or, “Well, I know you said piranhas don’t usually attack people, and they’re usually around 10 inches long, and some people keep them in aquariums as pets, and dolphins are one of their predators, and…a bunch of other stuff, I guess?” Sometimes it’s not the amount of explanation that matters, but the word choice and tone you adopt. Your word choice and tone need to match your audience’s expectations. For example, imagine you are researching piranhas; you find an article in National Geographic and another one in an academic journal for scientists. How would you expect the two articles to sound? National Geographic is written for a popular audience; you might expect it to have sentences like “The piranha generally lives in shallow rivers and streams in South America.” The scientific journal, on the other hand, might use much more technical language, because it’s written for an audience of specialists. A sentence like “Serrasalmus piraya lives in fresh and brackish intercoastal and proto-arboreal sub-tropical regions between the 45th and 38th parallels” might not be out of place in the journal. Generally, you want your reader to know enough material to understand the points you are making. It’s like the old forest/trees metaphor. If you give the reader nothing but trees, she won’t see the forest (your thesis, the reason for your paper). If you give her a big forest and no trees, she won’t know how you got to the forest (she might say, “Your point is fine, but you haven’t proven it to me”). You want the reader to say, “Nice forest, and those trees really help me to see it.” Our handout on paragraph development can help you find a good balance of examples and explanation. Reading your own drafts Writers tend to read over their own papers pretty quickly, with the knowledge of what they are trying to argue already in their minds. Reading in this way can cause you to skip over gaps in your written argument because the gap-filler is in your head. A problem occurs when your reader falls into these gaps. Your reader wants you to make the necessary connections from one thought or sentence to the next. When you don’t, the reader can become confused or frustrated. Think about when you read something and you struggle to find the most important points or what the writer is trying to say. Isn’t that annoying? Doesn’t it make you want to quit reading and surf the web or call a friend? Putting yourself in the reader’s position Instead of reading your draft as if you wrote it and know what you meant, try reading it as if you have no previous knowledge of the material. Have you explained enough? Are the connections clear? This can be hard to do at first. Consider using one of the following strategies: Take a break from your work—go work out, take a nap, take a day off. This is why the Writing Center and your instructors encourage you to start writing more than a day before the paper is due. If you write the paper the night before it’s due, you make it almost impossible to read the paper with a fresh eye. Try outlining after writing—after you have a draft, look at each paragraph separately. Write down the main point for each paragraph on a separate sheet of paper, in the order you have put them. Then look at your “outline”—does it reflect what you meant to say, in a logical order? Are some paragraphs hard to reduce to one point? Why? This technique will help you find places where you may have confused your reader by straying from your original plan for the paper. 3/4