JOURNAL OF MENTAL HEALTH COUNSELING Within the grief experience there is a continuum of behaviors for the person who is grieving that ranges from normal to abnormal or dysfunc- tional In differentiating normal from abnormal, it is important to note that grief contains the emotional illusion of regression. In this illusion movement appears to go back wards when in fact movement is forward At worst usually one is merely standing still. As long as the grieve process is not diluted or interrupted there is progress. FACILITATING THE NORMAL GRIEF EXPERIENCE A concept helpful to both the mourner and the caregiver is that of the tasks of mourning. The mourner's awareness of these tasks of grief work can give a participative action-oriented outlook to the experience of grief as opposed to a perception of grief being a phenomenon that is experi enced in a passive manner. This also provides a framework for outlining a significant portion of the helper's role Tasks of Mourning The first task of mourning is to expericnce and express outsi self the reality of the death(Lindermann, 1944: Parks Weiss. 1983 Worden, 1991). This involves confronting the reality that the person has died and will not be coming back Questions to ask yourself as a counselor working with the bereaved Where is this person in terms of confronting the reality that their loved one has died? Do I need to respect this persons need to avoid the full reality of the loss for a period of time while attempting to help him or her cautiously confront this new reality? The second task of mourning is to tolerate the emotional suffering that is inherent in the grief while nurturing oneself both physically and emo- tionally(Parks Weiss., 1983: Shuchter Zisook. 1990: Worden, 1991) The thoughts and feelings(pain of grief)resulting from this encounter with death must be absorbed Questions to ask yourself as a counselor working with the bereaved Has this person allowed himself or herself to experience the pain of grief? If so, with whom has he or she shared the grief? Was the person provided with a sense of feeling understood in the expression of grief he third requisite of mourning is to convert the relationship with Lindermann, 1944: Parks Weiss. 1983: Rando, 1987. 1993: Ruskay, 1996 Sable. 1991; Worden. 1991). This requires the bereaved to develop a new relationship with the deceased. The mourner works to modify and detach Reproduced with permission of the copyright owner. Further reproduction prohibited without permissioReproduced with permission of the copyright owner. Further reproduction prohibited without permission