Freeman and Ward/DEATH AND BEREAVEMENT ks of grief as having been on auto-pilot. There is little actual memory of ific details. merely the knowledge that one did what had to be done 2. Emotional Release. It is not uncommon to see intense emotional lease at the time of the death and then have it seem to dry up for a num r of weeks. When the shock finally dissipates. the bereaved will often find strong emotions such as anger, fear remorse and extreme loneliness 3. Depression. Depression adds feelings of helplessness and hopeless ness to already existing emotions. There may be fears of suicide from riends and family, but the bereaved will usually express it as " I won't do anything to myself, but if death comes for me tonight I won t fight it 4. Physical Symptoms of Distress. This is a very common phenomenon especially in children. If the deceased died of a heart attack. the survivor(s) may experience tightness in the chest. pain radiating to the jaw and down the left arm, and other symptoms aled with a heart attack 5. Anxiety. The bereaved experience vivid dreams. waking and sleep- ing in which they see and or hear their loved one. There is also spiritual anxiety that is expressed as: Where is my loved one now? Is he or she happy? There is also the fear that the anger being felt toward God will bring about punishment in the form of additional losses. 6. Hostility. anger usually surfaces 6 or S weeks after death. Thi metimes random: sometimes specific. God, medical professionals, clergy, and the deceased are frequent targets. Usually the individual is confused by the intensity of the anger, seeing it as inappropriate, but feels unable to defuse it 7. Guilt. Guilt is sometimes real. often imaginary or exaggerated Death amplifies whatever problems existed in the relationship and little issues that were virtually ignored in life are now insurmountable obsta- cles for the survivor. The shoulds seem to rule the world of the bereaved (I should have done this: I should not have done that) Fear. Fear wears many faces with the bereaved There may be a fear of sleeping in the same bed or room. Ther fc may be a fear of leaving the house or staying in it. People are afraid of aloneness which comes after a death. There is a fear of never knowing joy again or not being able to laugh without guilt 9. Healing Through Memories. The bereaved's memories fluctuate between good and bad. At times it seems that there is a need for self-punish ment and so all the negative aspects of the relationship are resurrected and elived. The happier moments often seem too painful, and it may take many months before these can be faced but there is healing in remembering 0. Acceptance. There is a difference between accepting the reality of death (thereby letting go) and forgetting the person who has dicd. As with the lealing of any serious wound, there will always be a scar to remind one of the njury. With time will come a lessening of the pain, until finally the injury can be touched. remembered, and accepted as a new part of the life being lived Reproduced with permission of the copyright owner. Further reproduction prohibited without permissioReproduced with permission of the copyright owner. Further reproduction prohibited without permission