2l8 JOURNAL OF MENTAL HEALTH COUNSELING deceased 2 years previously, still visited her at night in her dreams, and that dur- ing his visits she found sexual satisfaction. The woman was well adjusted in her work,social, and family life and active in the community. When the son under stood that seeing a deceased loved one and sexual satisfaction in dreams are normal, he saw his mother's experience in a different and more positive light Phases of grief a death loss is a disruption in the attachment bond a person has with a significant other in his or her environment. As such, the system must reorganize to a different level and that process generally follows in four phases(Bowlby. 1980) Phase I is characterized by emotional numbing and an initial disbelief that the death has actually occurred. This usually lasts from a few hours to a weck and may be interrupted by outbursts of extreme emotion Phase II includes yearning and searching. Survivors may be restless, preoccupied with thoughts of the deceased and prone to initially inter pret events(phone ringing, door opening) as coming from the deceased person. Crying, calling to the person, and paying attention to stimuli that suggest the presence of the person are also common Bereaved persons may or may not be aware of their yearning and searching Phase III is the experience of disorganization and despair. It will become apparent that attachment behaviors that were effective in main taining the attachment bond while the deceased was alive are no longer working. The bereaved person begins to wonder if any part of their sub sequent life is salvageable Phase IV involves a greater or lesser degree of reorganization. Now that the bereaved individual has come to a realization that life must go on, various changes may begin to take place. Thoughts of the deceased begin to take a dif ferent place in the bereaved's life Social relationships and responsibilities may also be changing to accommodate a world without the person who was lost It should be understood that grief is fluid and most people do not begin with stage one and proceed in an orderly fashion to completion. There is a great deal of movement among and within the stages The Experience of grief In addition to Bowlby's phases Westberg(1962)describes ten fairly common experiences for people in grief. 1. Shock. The shock of death is to be expected even after a long terminal illness and months of anticipatory grief. People often describe the first few Reproduced with permission of the copyright owner. Further reproduction prohibited without permissionReproduced with permission of the copyright owner. Further reproduction prohibited without permission