happen to him. I can,'t picture anything happening to him. I never picture him run over. I never see him lying still and long and dead. I wish he were dead. That's a terrible wish. That's a lovely wish If he were dead. he would be mine. If he were dead. i would never think of now and the last few weeks. I would remember only the lovely times. It would be all beautiful I wish he were dead I This is silly. It's silly to go wishing people were dead just because they don't call you up the very minute they said they would Maybe the clock's fast; I don't know whether it's right Maybe he's hardly late at all. Anything could have made him a little late. Maybe he had to stay at his office. Maybe he went home, to call me up from there, and somebody came in. He doesn't like to telephone me in front of people. Maybe he's worried, just alittle, little bit, about keeping me waiting. He might even hope that I would call him up. I could do that. I could telephone him I mustn,'t. I mustn't, I mustn't. Oh, God, please don't let me telephone him. Please keep me from doing that I know, God, just as well as You do, that if he were worried about me, hed telephone no matter where he was or how many people there were around him. Please make me know that, God. I dont ask You to make it easy for me- You can't do that, for all that You could make a world. Only let me know it, God. Don't let me go on hoping Dont let me say comforting things to myself. Please don't let me hope, dear God. Please dont I won't telephone him. I'll never telephone him again as long as I live. He'll rot in hell before I'll call him up. You dont have to give me strength, God; I have it myself. If he wanted me he could get me. He knows where I ram. He knows I'm waiting here. He's so sure of me, so sure. I wonder why they hate you, as soon as they are sure of you. I should think it would be so sweet to It would be so easy to telephone him. Then Id know. Maybe it wouldn't be a foolish thing to do. Maybe he wouldn't mind Maybe he'd like it. Maybe he has been trying to get me Sometimes people try and try to get you on the telephone, and they say the number doesn't answer I'm not just saying that to help myself; that really happens. You know that really happens, God. Oh, God, keep me away from that telephone. Kcep me away. Let me still have just a little bit of pride I think I'm going to need it, God I think it will be all I'll have Oh, what does pride matter, when I can't stand it if I don,'t talk to him? Pride like that is such a silly, shabby little thing The real pride, the big pride, is in having no pride. I'm not saying that just because I want to call him. I am not. That's true, I know that's true. I will be big. I will be beyond little prides. 9 Please, God, keep me from, telephoning him. Please, God I don't see what pride has to do with it. This is such a little thing for me to be bringing in pride, for me to be making such a fuss o about. I may have misunderstood him. Maybe he said for me to call him up, at five. " Call me at five, darling" He could have said that, perfectly well It's so possible that I didn,t hear him right " Call me at five, darling. "I'm almost sure that's what he said. God, don' t let me talk this way to myself. Make me know, please make me know I'll think about something else. I'll just sit quietly. If I could sit still. If I could sit still What do they want to write about that for? Don't they know it isn 't tree? Dont they know it's a lie shabby:卑劣。 beyond little pride:根据上文,若是要超越小骄傲,便是彻底抛弃骄傲。 l0 make a fuss:(俗)大吵大闹happen to him. I can't picture anything happening to him. I never picture him run over. I never see him lying still and long and dead. I wish he were dead. That's a terrible wish. That's a lovely wish. If he were dead, he would be mine. If he were dead, I would never think of now and the last few weeks. I would remember only the lovely times. It would be all beautiful. I wish he were dead. I wish he were dead, dead, dead. This is silly. It's silly to go wishing people were dead just because they don't call you up the very minute they said they would. Maybe the clock's fast; I don't know whether it's right. Maybe he's hardly late at all. Anything could have made him a little late. Maybe he had to stay at his office. Maybe he went home, to call me up from there, and somebody came in. He doesn't like to telephone me in front of people. Maybe he's worried, just alittle, little bit, about keeping me waiting. He might even hope that I would call him up. I could do that. I could telephone him. I mustn't. I mustn't, I mustn't. Oh, God, please don't let me telephone him. Please keep me from doing that. I know, God, just as well as You do, that if he were worried about me, he'd telephone no matter where he was or how many people there were around him. Please make me know that, God. I don't ask YOU to make it easy for me--You can't do that, for all that You could make a world. Only let me know it, God. Don't let me go on hoping. Don't let me say comforting things to myself. Please don't let me hope, dear God. Please don't. I won't telephone him. I'll never telephone him again as long as I live. He'll rot in hell, before I'll call him up. You don't have to give me strength, God; I have it myself. If he wanted me, he could get me. He knows where I ram. He knows I'm waiting here. He's so sure of me, so sure. I wonder why they hate you, as soon as they are sure of you. I should think it would be so sweet to be sure. It would be so easy to telephone him. Then I'd know. Maybe it wouldn't be a foolish thing to do. Maybe he wouldn't mind. Maybe he'd like it. Maybe he has been trying to get me. Sometimes people try and try to get you on the telephone, and they say the number doesn't answer. I'm not just saying that to help myself; that really happens. You know that really happens, God. Oh, God, keep me away from that telephone. Kcep me away. Let me still have just a little bit of pride. I think I'm going to need it, God. I think it will be all I'll have. Oh, what does pride matter, when I can't stand it if I don't talk to him? Pride like that is such a silly, shabby8 little thing. The real pride, the big pride, is in having no pride. I'm not saying that just because I want to call him. I am not. That's true, I know that's true. I will be big. I will be beyond little prides.9 Please, God, keep me from, telephoning him. Please, God. I don't see what pride has to do with it. This is such a little thing, for me to be bringing in pride, for me to be making such a fuss10 about. I may have misunderstood him. Maybe he said for me to call him up, at five. "Call me at five, darling." He could have said that, perfectly well. It's so possible that I didn't hear him right. "Call me at five, darling." I'm almost sure that's what he said. God, don't let me talk this way to myself. Make me know, please make me know. I'll think about something else. I'll just sit quietly. If I could sit still. If I could sit still. Maybe I could read. Oh, all the books are about people who love each other, truly and sweetly. What do they want to write about that for? Don't they know it isn't tree? Don't they know it's a lie, 8 shabby：卑劣。 9 beyond little pride：根据上文，若是要超越小骄傲，便是彻底抛弃骄傲。 10 make a fuss：（俗）大吵大闹