856 Journal of Marriage and Family we would not get married until we could afford eventual divorce,”and82%agreed that“Itis to get a house and pay all the utility bills on time. extremely important to you to be economically I have this thing about utility bills.Our gas and electric got turned off all the time when we were set before you get married."Moreover,most growing up and we wanted to make sure that indicated a view of marriage as centered on inti- would not happen when we got married.That macy and love more than on practical matters was our biggest worry....We worked together such as finances and children.Ninety-four per- and built up savings and then we got married.It's cent of those who had never married agreed that forever for us. "when you marry,you want your spouse to be Another woman in our study,already living your soul mate,first and foremost."In contrast, with the man she was engaged to and had chil- only 16%agreed that "the main purpose of dren with,told an ethnographer she was not yet marriage these days is to have children."And ready to marry him: over 80%of the women agreed that it is more important "to have a husband who can commu- But I'm not ready to do that yet.I told him,we're not financially ready yet.He knows that.I told nicate about his deepest feelings than to have him by the end of this year,maybe.I told him a husband who makes a good living."The au- that last year.Plus,we both need to lear to con- thors of the report conclude,"While marriage is trol our tempers,you could say.He doesn't losing much of its broad public and institutional understand that bills and kids and [our relation- character,it is gaining popularity as a Super- ship]come first,not [his]going out and getting new clothes or [his]doing this and that.It's the Relationship,an intensely private spiritualized kids,then us.He gets paid good,about five hun- union,combining sexual fidelity,romantic love, dred dollars a week.How hard is it to give me emotional intimacy,and togetherness"(p.13). money and help with the bills? Note that for this woman,more is required of The Wedding as a Status Symbol a man than a steady job before he is marriage- able.He has to leamn to tum over most of his Even the wedding has become an individual paycheck to his family rather than spending it achievement.In the distant past,a wedding was an event at which two kinship groups formed an on his friends and himself.He must put his rela- alliance.More recently,it has been an event tionship with his partner ahead of running with his single male friends,a way of saying that organized and paid for by parents,at which they display their approval and support for their a husband must place a priority on providing companionship and intimacy to his wife and on child's marriage.In both cases,it has been the ritual that provides legal and social approval for being sexually faithful.And he and his partner have to learn to control their tempers,a vague having children.But in keeping with the deinsti- referent to the possibility that physical abuse tutionalization of marriage,it is now becoming an event centered on and often controlled by the exists in the relationship.In sum,the demands couple themselves,having less to do with fam- low-income women place on men include not just a reliable income,as important as that is, ily approval or having children than in the past. One might assume,then,that weddings would but also a commitment to put family first,pro- become smaller and that many couples would vide companionship,be faithful,and avoid abu- forgo a public wedding altogether.But that does sive behavior. not appear to have happened for most couples. The wedding,it seems,has become an impor- How Young Adults in General See It tant symbol of the partners'personal achieve- ments and a stage in their self-development The changing meaning of marriage is not (Bulcroft,Bulcroft,Bradley,Simpson,2000). limited to the low-income population.Consider A 1984 survey of 459 ever-married women a nationally representative survey of 1,003 in the Detroit metropolitan area provided infor- adults,ages 20-29,conducted in 2001 on mation on trends in wedding practices in the attitudes toward marriage (Whitehead United States during much of the 20th century. Popenoe,2001).A majority responded in ways Whyte (1990)divided the women into a prewar suggestive of the view that marriage is a status group who married between 1925 and 1944, that one builds up to.Sixty-two percent agreed a baby boom group who married between 1945 with the statement,"Living together with some- and 1964,and a more recent group who married one before marriage is a good way to avoid an between 1965 and 1984.Across the more thanwe would not get married until we could afford to get a house and pay all the utility bills on time. I have this thing about utility bills. Our gas and electric got turned off all the time when we were growing up and we wanted to make sure that would not happen when we got married. That was our biggest worry. . We worked together and built up savings and then we got married. It’s forever for us. Another woman in our study, already living with the man she was engaged to and had chil￾dren with, told an ethnographer she was not yet ready to marry him: But I’m not ready to do that yet. I told him, we’re not financially ready yet. He knows that. I told him by the end of this year, maybe. I told him that last year. Plus, we both need to learn to con￾trol our tempers, you could say. He doesn’t understand that bills and kids and [our relation￾ship] come first, not [his] going out and getting new clothes or [his] doing this and that. It’s the kids, then us. He gets paid good, about five hun￾dred dollars a week. How hard is it to give me money and help with the bills? Note that for this woman, more is required of a man than a steady job before he is marriage￾able. He has to learn to turn over most of his paycheck to his family rather than spending it on his friends and himself. He must put his rela￾tionship with his partner ahead of running with his single male friends, a way of saying that a husband must place a priority on providing companionship and intimacy to his wife and on being sexually faithful. And he and his partner have to learn to control their tempers, a vague referent to the possibility that physical abuse exists in the relationship. In sum, the demands low-income women place on men include not just a reliable income, as important as that is, but also a commitment to put family first, pro￾vide companionship, be faithful, and avoid abu￾sive behavior. How Young Adults in General See It The changing meaning of marriage is not limited to the low-income population. Consider a nationally representative survey of 1,003 adults, ages 20–29, conducted in 2001 on attitudes toward marriage (Whitehead & Popenoe, 2001). A majority responded in ways suggestive of the view that marriage is a status that one builds up to. Sixty-two percent agreed with the statement, ‘‘Living together with some￾one before marriage is a good way to avoid an eventual divorce,’’ and 82% agreed that ‘‘It is extremely important to you to be economically set before you get married.’’ Moreover, most indicated a view of marriage as centered on inti￾macy and love more than on practical matters such as finances and children. Ninety-four per￾cent of those who had never married agreed that ‘‘when you marry, you want your spouse to be your soul mate, first and foremost.’’ In contrast, only 16% agreed that ‘‘the main purpose of marriage these days is to have children.’’ And over 80% of the women agreed that it is more important ‘‘to have a husband who can commu￾nicate about his deepest feelings than to have a husband who makes a good living.’’ The au￾thors of the report conclude, ‘‘While marriage is losing much of its broad public and institutional character, it is gaining popularity as a Super￾Relationship, an intensely private spiritualized union, combining sexual fidelity, romantic love, emotional intimacy, and togetherness’’ (p. 13). The Wedding as a Status Symbol Even the wedding has become an individual achievement. In the distant past, a wedding was an event at which two kinship groups formed an alliance. More recently, it has been an event organized and paid for by parents, at which they display their approval and support for their child’s marriage. In both cases, it has been the ritual that provides legal and social approval for having children. But in keeping with the deinsti￾tutionalization of marriage, it is now becoming an event centered on and often controlled by the couple themselves, having less to do with fam￾ily approval or having children than in the past. One might assume, then, that weddings would become smaller and that many couples would forgo a public wedding altogether. But that does not appear to have happened for most couples. The wedding, it seems, has become an impor￾tant symbol of the partners’ personal achieve￾ments and a stage in their self-development (Bulcroft, Bulcroft, Bradley, & Simpson, 2000). A 1984 survey of 459 ever-married women in the Detroit metropolitan area provided infor￾mation on trends in wedding practices in the United States during much of the 20th century. Whyte (1990) divided the women into a prewar group who married between 1925 and 1944, a baby boom group who married between 1945 and 1964, and a more recent group who married between 1965 and 1984. Across the more than 856 Journal of Marriage and Family