Tradition and Modernity 1065 make their life miserable is a huge attack on my the one-child family policy,the nuclear fam- heart....Her desperation is reflected by the fact ily seems to have taken on added significance. that she tries to match me up with all ridiculous Familism is still relevant for educated women in men by all means.She does not care if they are fit for you.She only cares if they are single,or have Shanghai;arranged marriage may no longer be the XY gene. practiced,but parents'traditional expectations are deeply influential and meaningful.Most of Dongzi was born in a remote village in a the women I interviewed shared their parents northern province.Her parents are both farmers, expectation of marriage as an ultimate goal; and her mother has never left her birthplace. however,the women would not relinquish their Almost every time she called her mother,they own,more individualistic ideals of personal would have a fight over Dongzi's single status. romance regarding when and whom to marry. Dongzi's mother pressed her to return home,get married,and have children.Dongzi's mother's Gender Double Standard of Aging ideal of small-town.traditional family life is at odds with Dongzi's single,modern,professional As in many other societies,age hypergamy life in metropolitan Shanghai.Dongzi accepts is common among Chinese women.As Eng- the social expectation of marriage for women but land and McClintock (2009)discussed,men said she is not willing to compromise with her tend to marry younger women,and the older parents regarding her search for Mr.Right: men are,the larger the age discrepancy.This is also the case for women in China,who have In fact,I have my family,and my parents.I cannot made tremendous advancements in terms of their choose the life only for my own sake....[My upward socioeconomic mobility yet still find mother]thinks I have to get married right now, that their age is held against them.Many of regardless of who I can find....Our goals(getting my research informants lamented that age is married)are the same,but views are different.I unfair for women-in particular for professional want to get married,and there is no doubt about it. But,I have not found the man whom I am willing women who have worked hard in their careers to marry without hesitation. but now find themselves labeled as "leftover" by a cultural tradition that values only women's Xiaomamei,in her late 20s,is from a single- youth and dependence. parent family in a small city in a neighbor- Xiaoling is a native from Shanghai in her mid- ing province.In her narratives,she revealed to late 30s.She is a high-ranking manager in a that friends,neighbors,and family members transnational high technology company.Reflect- constantly remind Xiaomamei's mother ing on her own experience,Xiaoling's narrative whether through daily chatting or casual clearly demonstrates the gender double standard encounters-that her daughter is single.Xiao- of aging and the pressure women face as they get mamei admitted feeling guilty for being single older: Her case is strong evidence of how a traditional community can maintain and even intensify nor- Ah,when you are older,you have not found some- mative marriage expectations for young women. one.What to do?Men are OK,but women are Because of her mother's pressure,Xiaomamei really anxious and they feel everything is over. eventually moved to a smaller city near her When I was in my twenties,I don't remember how home,where job opportunities were more scarce many people want to do matchmaking for me.But but where it would be easier to meet men and now,almost nobody comes to me,absolutely. stop rumors about her romantic life: But men are different.You can date anybody you want.You are 40,and you can still date anybody I was in a very embarrassing situation last year [at you want.I have a coworker who's divorced two Spring Festival].We go to visit a grandaunt.She years ago and is married again.He is close to 50 asks my age and I tell her 26.She then asks if I and his wife was born in 1985....But I don't see have married or have a boyfriend.I tell her that I the opposite case (younger man marrying older have no boyfriend.She raises her voice suddenly woman). in front of everybody and accuses my mum why her daughter has not yet married. Xiaohe,in her early 30s,is from a small city in a neighboring province.She shared the In China's rapidly changing context,with story of a good friend who confided at one point the collapse of the socialist welfare system and that she was going to have a boyfriend soon.Tradition and Modernity 1065 make their life miserable is a huge attack on my heart. . . . Her desperation is reflected by the fact that she tries to match me up with all ridiculous men by all means. She does not care if they are fit for you. She only cares if they are single, or have the XY gene. Dongzi was born in a remote village in a northern province. Her parents are both farmers, and her mother has never left her birthplace. Almost every time she called her mother, they would have a fight over Dongzi’s single status. Dongzi’s mother pressed her to return home, get married, and have children. Dongzi’s mother’s ideal of small-town, traditional family life is at odds with Dongzi’s single, modern, professional life in metropolitan Shanghai. Dongzi accepts the social expectation of marriage for women but said she is not willing to compromise with her parents regarding her search for Mr. Right: In fact, I have my family, and my parents. I cannot choose the life only for my own sake. . . . [My mother] thinks I have to get married right now, regardless of who I can find. . . . Our goals (getting married) are the same, but views are different. I want to get married, and there is no doubt about it. But, I have not found the man whom I am willing to marry without hesitation. Xiaomamei, in her late 20s, is from a single￾parent family in a small city in a neighbor￾ing province. In her narratives, she revealed that friends, neighbors, and family members constantly remind Xiaomamei’s mother— whether through daily chatting or casual encounters—that her daughter is single. Xiao￾mamei admitted feeling guilty for being single. Her case is strong evidence of how a traditional community can maintain and even intensify nor￾mative marriage expectations for young women. Because of her mother’s pressure, Xiaomamei eventually moved to a smaller city near her home, where job opportunities were more scarce but where it would be easier to meet men and stop rumors about her romantic life: I was in a very embarrassing situation last year [at Spring Festival]. We go to visit a grandaunt. She asks my age and I tell her 26. She then asks if I have married or have a boyfriend. I tell her that I have no boyfriend. She raises her voice suddenly in front of everybody and accuses my mum why her daughter has not yet married. In China’s rapidly changing context, with the collapse of the socialist welfare system and the one-child family policy, the nuclear fam￾ily seems to have taken on added significance. Familism is still relevant for educated women in Shanghai; arranged marriage may no longer be practiced, but parents’ traditional expectations are deeply influential and meaningful. Most of the women I interviewed shared their parents’ expectation of marriage as an ultimate goal; however, the women would not relinquish their own, more individualistic ideals of personal romance regarding when and whom to marry. Gender Double Standard of Aging As in many other societies, age hypergamy is common among Chinese women. As Eng￾land and McClintock (2009) discussed, men tend to marry younger women, and the older men are, the larger the age discrepancy. This is also the case for women in China, who have made tremendous advancements in terms of their upward socioeconomic mobility yet still find that their age is held against them. Many of my research informants lamented that age is unfair for women—in particular for professional women who have worked hard in their careers but now find themselves labeled as “leftover” by a cultural tradition that values only women’s youth and dependence. Xiaoling is a native from Shanghai in her mid￾to late 30s. She is a high-ranking manager in a transnational high technology company. Reflect￾ing on her own experience, Xiaoling’s narrative clearly demonstrates the gender double standard of aging and the pressure women face as they get older: Ah, when you are older, you have not found some￾one. What to do? Men are OK, but women are really anxious and they feel everything is over. When I was in my twenties, I don’t remember how many people want to do matchmaking for me. But now, almost nobody comes to me, absolutely. But men are different. You can date anybody you want. You are 40, and you can still date anybody you want. I have a coworker who’s divorced two years ago and is married again. He is close to 50 and his wife was born in 1985. … But I don’t see the opposite case (younger man marrying older woman). Xiaohe, in her early 30s, is from a small city in a neighboring province. She shared the story of a good friend who confided at one point that she was going to have a boyfriend soon