THE CHINA JOURNAL, NO 48 ring courtship there are a range of terms to express romantic love and fection. Among them, the most frequently used are xihuan ni (I like you) and xiang ni(I miss you)or libukai(meaning"cannot be separated from"). 4The word"love"(ai) has also appeared in the discourse of courtship in recent years, but mostly to refer to another persons experience, such as who loves, or does not love, whom. But in a somewhat dramatic case, when a girl was scolded by her parents for having sex with her fiance, she defended herself by saying, I love him"(wo ai ta). i was told that some village youths do use the word in a face-t face situation, but thus far I have not witnessed any such usage. According to some informants, young men tend to be bolder and more direct in face-to-face expression and thus tend to use the word "love"more frequently than do the young women. But during conversations among same-sex peers, young women tend to use the word"love" more often than the men. a common practice among both genders is to use the words of pop songs that contain the expression"I love you or similar messages. Pop songs have proven to be effective means of emotional communication, and those who can use this strategy skillfully are praised as romantic or admirably suave The declaration of romantic love can sometimes be very passionate, as shown dramatically in 1998. A poor and conservative father was strongly opposed to the young man whom his daughter had chosen for herself, because the father considered the young mans family too poor to pay a handsome bridewealth. This was unusual, because by the late 1990s most parents did not object to their childrens marriage proposals on such grounds, since the monetary gifts go directly to the girl instead of her parents. " It is said that one day the daughter asked her lover if he really loved her and wanted to start a family with her. The boy swore that he did. Then the girl asked for proof of his love. Saying nothing, the boy found a knife and, before the girl could react, he chopped off the tip of his left little finger. The girl was deeply touched and left Xiajia with her boyfriend to work in two successive cities for nearly a year until she became pregnant. When I was in Xiajia village in the summer of 1999, they had just settled in with the girls father, paying less than a fourth of the bridewealth he had demanded and they had held their wedding in the village. Because of his heroic demonstration of passionate love, the boy not only won absolute devotion from the girl but also had a moral advantage over her family Unlike village youth of the 1990s, older residents in Xiajia tended to be much subtler in expressing passionate affections during courtship. Throughout the 1960s and 1970s, recalled many villagers, love and intimacy were hinted at by words, body language and small considerate favours. Indeed, almost every that these emotional expressions are also used in non-romantic relationships, such as when expressing inter-generational attachments, In most cases the specific context of speech determines the actual meanings of these words See Yan, The Flow of Gifts, pp. 182-9238 THE CHINA JOURNAL, NO. 48 During courtship there are a range of terms to express romantic love and affection. Among them, the most frequently used are xihuan ni (I like you) and xiang ni (I miss you) or libukai (meaning "cannot be separated from").24 The word "love" (ai) has also appeared in the discourse of courtship in recent years, but mostly to refer to another person's experience, such as who loves, or does not love, whom. But in a somewhat dramatic case, when a girl was scolded by her parents for having sex with her fiance, she defended herself by saying, "I love him" (wo ai ta). I was told that some village youths do use the word in a face-to￾face situation, but thus far I have not witnessed any such usage. According to some informants, young men tend to be bolder and more direct in face-to-face expression and thus tend to use the word "love" more frequently than do the young women. But during conversations among same-sex peers, young women tend to use the word "love" more often than the men. A common practice among both genders is to use the words of pop songs that contain the expression "I love you" or similar messages. Pop songs have proven to be a user-friendly and effective means of emotional communication, and those who can use this strategy skillfully are praised as romantic or admirably suave. The declaration of romantic love can sometimes be very passionate, as shown dramatically in 1998. A poor and conservative father was strongly opposed to the young man whom his daughter had chosen for herself, because the father considered the young man's family too poor to pay a handsome bridewealth. This was unusual, because by the late 1990s most parents did not object to their children's marriage proposals on such grounds, since the monetary gifts go directly to the girl instead of her parents.25 It is said that one day the daughter asked her lover if he really loved her and wanted to start a family with her. The boy swore that he did. Then the girl asked for proof of his love. Saying nothing, the boy found a knife and, before the girl could react, he chopped off the tip of his left little finger. The girl was deeply touched and left Xiajia with her boyfriend to work in two successive cities for nearly a year until she became pregnant. When I was in Xiajia village in the summer of 1999, they had just settled in with the girl's father, paying less than a fourth of the bridewealth he had demanded, and they had held their wedding in the village. Because of his heroic demonstration of passionate love, the boy not only won absolute devotion from the girl but also had a moral advantage over her family. Unlike village youth of the 1990s, older residents in Xiajia tended to be much subtler in expressing passionate affections during courtship. Throughout the 1960s and 1970s, recalled many villagers, love and intimacy were hinted at by words, body language and small considerate favours. Indeed, almost every 24 It should be noted that these emotional expressions are also used in non-romantic relationships, such as when expressing inter-generational attachments. In most cases the specific context of speech determines the actual meanings of these words. 25 See Yan, The Flow of Gifts, pp. 182-92