Writing Well in Business Henry T. Price our messages create the image the public has of you and your business A CEO in South Carolina says, a written message on a piece of "My young sales staff can sell, paper or a written message on a ...80 percent of busi but they don't know enough computer screen. All too frequently, nesses surveyed believe write a proper business letter to the Your messages, both verbal and that their employees customer. "The Wall Street Journal nonverbal, are HUGE in creating your biggest problem is written has said that 80 percent of business- image communication es surveyed believe that their Unfortunately, unless you have employees' biggest problem is writ- been living in a cave for the past about South Carolina:"The econom ten communication three or four years, far from any civi o It's ironic that in a time when the lization, you are all too aware of the ic value lost as a result of an unedu- ed for precision in the use of Eng- shortcomings of our elementary and cated or undereducated workforce is lish is increasing exponentially, pow- secondary education system estimated at $824 million ered by enormous strides in technol- preparing our young people for the The same article talks about the ogy and the use of computers, our rest of their lives. An article by Sue uge cost to society of a student's ability to use the language is rapidly Oliver in the January-March 2004 dropping out of school. The short declining issue of the Business Economic comings of our educational system The first impression many people Review quotes a 1995 report from cover a wide range of subjects, but get of you and your business is often the Winthrop University Center for one of the most damaging is our Economic Development that talks continuing and worsening inability to Dr. Henry T. Price, former interim dean teach our young people to read, and of the College of Journalism and Mass especially write, the English lan Communications at the University of guage. If you doubt that, the next South Carolina, taught copy editing and time your newspaper runs a story writing for more than 30 years at USC about the performance of young before his retirement in 2002 He holds a college-bound South Carolinians on Ph. D in Communication from Michigan he SAT, read it carefully State University and is a consultant with Frankly, if your employees can't Sam E McCuen and Associates of Lex read well and can' t use the precision ington, South Carolina. Anyone interest ed in Price's business writing seminars and conciseness of proper English should contact McCuen and Associates your business is at a severe disad at 803-920-9263 or via e-mail at antage in today's highly competitive world Business Economic Review April-June 2004 13
Wanted: Good Writing reference book. You' find the 8. The subject of the sentence is the Today's young professionals have answers at the end word "demands": therefore,"is been reared in the computer age must be"are and"appeals"must when learning about technology 1. I wish my roommate was not such be"appeal. seems to be far more important than a slob 9. Because you are using a direct mastering such mundane things as 2. None of us really know what hap- quote, the attribution must be set spelling, grammar, and punctuation pened that night at the party off by a comma from the quote After all, most of us communicate 3. According to news reports, he put a comma after"said. Also, now through e-mail, and you obvi- hung himself in prison semicolons always go outside the ously don't need spelling, grammar 4. Ever since I got the flu, all I want quotation marks and punctuation for that! We seem to to do is lay down 10. Unless the man referred to is a forget that good writing, like good 5. Whom should I say is calling? bigamist, you must put a comma manners, will get you into places that 6. Its a shame he's already working after"wife money never will 7. The chairman wanted Karen and I CEOs and managers say they to speak to the press about the The problems in these sentences spend an inordinate amount of time new policy. aren't particularly arcane points of rewriting and correcting their employ- 8. The demands of the job, such as grammar. A lot of the people who ees' letters and reports. In a business th need for quick decisions, is read your materials are going to rec- what really appeals to her. ognize them as mistakes. Toss in a on productivity and cost-effective- 9. Nixon said "I am not a crook, few misspellings of such words as ness, or in any other business cli- others weren't so sure “ accommodate,“ canceled,""judg mate, that is a terrible waste of your 10. He said all his affection was ment, " and"manageable, "and stir managers'knowledge and skills, and reserved for his wife Susan briskly with a few dollops of"affect it's a big waste of your money when you mean"effect, or "aggra- After all, if one of your employees vate" when you want "irritate,or wrote in a letter for you to send out ".good writing, like good " historic when "historical is need letter of october 15 to say that we manners, will get you into quickly end up in the wastebasket are respons ines,"wouldn't you change it to will ble for your written communication something like" We won't be able to have done as well with these 10 sen- meet your deadlines because ." Or tences as you did? if that same employee has you saying "I would like to take this opportunity It should be"were, "not "was Second Reader Needed to thank you for. ., wouldn't you The sentence refers to a condition Despite the fact that many of almost automatically edit it to read contrary to fact, which requires today's young professionals haven't "Thanks for . Wouldn't you red the subjunctive mood been properly prepared in the use of line"Please be advised that the 2. It should be "knows, "not"know. the language, most businesses have remuneration for your services is in None"is the subject of the sen- at least one person, other than a the mail"down to something a bit tence and requires a singular manager, who has a better-than shorter and easier to understand verb average understanding of the lan such as"Ive mailed your check"? 3."Hung"should be"hanged. guage and an ability to use it. Some- And you would certainly change "It is Things are "hung": people are times you can spot them even before this firms hope that our actions have hanged you've seen their work. They tend to met with your satisfaction"to some- 4. "Lay"means to"set something be quiet, fairly introspective people thing like "We hope our actions are down","lie" means"to rest. who read a lot and can converse satisfactory. 5. It's"who, "not"whom " The word intelligently on a variety of subjects in question is the subject of the Newspapers call them"copy Grammar Quiz clause " who is calling" and editors. Still not persuaded that there's a requires the nominative case You don't need a copy editor, but problem and it's probably costing 6."Its"is the possessive pronoun: you do need someone who is you money? See whether you can "it's"is the contraction for "it is. responsible for"vetting" all written find any grammar problems in the 7."I"should be"me. The phrase material from your business that will sentences that follow. Respond Karen and me"is serving as the be seen by the public. And, yes, that quickly, as if you were writing a letter, direct object of the le sentence and includes material generated by the and don' t grab your favorite grammar requires the objective case top managers. Everybody's writing 14 Business Economic Review /April-June 2004
can benefit from the careful attention college asked that the receiver con It might also help you if you see to of a skilled second reader. Here are a tribute for a new building. In one it that your staffers follow"The 12 few examples of things that should place, it used the phrase"needless Commandments"of good writing never have been sent out by the busi- to say "and in another "it goes with- ness concerned- but they were out saying. "The writer's third-grade 1. Thou shalt remember, above all One of the nation,s largest banks grammar teacher should have told else, that accuracy counts sent a letter to "Dear Bill Jones(not him that if something is"needless to 2. Thou shalt employ thy brain first, his real name). There's nothing say" and"it goes without saying then use spell check and gram rong with"Dear Mr. Jones. At then don't say it! mar check east, they didn't open with"Dear Another unit at the college sent 3. Thou shalt learn to use and Friend"or"Dear Bill, both of which out a letter asking for money. It was a respect the comma, which, like are presumptuous in the extreme and nice letter, but it took 320 words to dynamite, is small and powerful cause a lot of people to deposit the get its message across. Just a little 4. Thou shalt watch keenly for the communication in the circular file. bit of tightening cut it to 250 words cliche, which thou shalt smite hip Unfortunately, the second sentence Most people resent it when others and thigh of the letter added to the problem waste their time by being"windy"; 5. Thou shalt always remember that when it said: "We will arrange for the then they turn right around and do in the English language, the best credit reporting agency to send a the same thing to someone else order of presentation of informa copy of you (emphasis mine) triple- tion is: Subject-Predicate-Object bureau credit report to you, Bill 6. Thou shalt pay due respect to Jones. "Aside from the bad grammar. brevity, remembering that con it's just plain awkward. Mr Jones did Thou shalt learn to use ciseness is an aid to communica not avail himself of the opportunity tion offered and respect the comma, 7. Thou shalt treasure short words The same bank referred to above which, like dynamite, is leaving their longer brethren to sent Mr Jones another missive apol- small and powerful less skillful writers ogizing for a letter they sent telling 8. Thou shalt strive for active voice him his credit cards were about to in thy writing, reserving the pas- expire and his accounts would be sive for those special situations closed. They said it was all a"systen Remedies where it works best problem"that caused the letter to be If you recognize your business and 9. Thou shalt seek out strong verbs, sent in error. In this five-sentence its communications in any of the for they possess power. document, two important commas above, there are things you can do to 10. Thou shalt give deep thought to were omitted, the phrase" due to" remedy your problems. In the short the nature of thine audience was used when they meant"because run, you can get professional help before putting fingers to keyboard of, "and the bank said it valued"your Believe it or not, there still are people because it affects thy style relationship. "Jones swears he has who have a firm grasp of the English 11. Thou shalt remember that"close no relationship with the bank language and are able to help others counts in horseshoes, not gram romantic, blood kin, or any other; he remember whatever they might have just does business with them- per- learned a long time ago about good 12. Thou shalt engrave permanently haps not for much longer writing on thy brain -because their A national non-profit organization, For the long haul, the obvious proper use is the only way to asking for the receiver to renew her answer is to do whatever you and guarantee entry at the Pearly support, included the phrase".and your business can to improve the Gates- that"its"is the posses- the millions of Americans with dia- system that produces your future sive pronoun and"it's"is the con- betes who we assist each year. "As employees -our schools. Perhaps traction you know, the " who"should be the education system needs to be whom reminded that even with all the tech- Finally, always keep in mind that The nation,s largest wireless ser- nology now available to us, a com- your messages, wherever or in what- vice closed a letter with"Sincerely, mand of the language is still as much ever format they appear, create the Verizon Wireless Customer Service of a necessity for success in the busi- image the public has of you and your Department. "That really adds a per- ness world as it was 50 years ago, business It's up to you to ensure that sonal touch to the letter, doesnt it? And grammar has to be taught; it it is the one you want it to be LI A letter from a highly respected can't be learned through osmosis Business& Economic Review/ April-June 2004 15
